The statistics are mind blowing. Think about it too long and it’s going to make your head hurt. Facebook is now so powerful that it can damage your relationships. I’m not talking about a friend getting mad that you didn’t like their posts or didn’t nudge them enough. No. I’m talking about divorce or the breakdown of a romantic relationship because of Facebook. It sounds stupid and even knowing what I do about it, I still am shaking my head about this.
It all started out normally. I was dating a woman who was really everything I could have hoped for, but I started noticing a strange tension between the two of us. I couldn’t figure out what it was but she was spending more time on her phone and seemed stressed. It was in part because of this stress that I started talking to a new woman more. We knew each other through a friend of a friend, but it was on Facebook that we really started to dig each other. Both of us were in relationships with other people, but it didn’t seem like it could do any harm for us to just flirt with each other over Facebook. We lived in different cities and both of us knew that it was going nowhere.
Except we were wrong. It blew up to huge proportions and started with strange status updates from my girlfriend. I was confused about it at the time, but figured it had to do something with her new job. How wrong I was. She was watching me on Facebook. More than that, her friends were watching me on Facebook. That sounds creepier than it is because while I was mad about it when I first found out, I sat down and thought about it. There’s nothing irrational about people stalking other people on Facebook. If you think about it, that’s pretty much what the site was built up around. Maintain ties with people with minimum effort and stay far too updated about what’s going on in their lives. That’s what Facebook is and everyone kind of stalks everyone on it.
I love Facebook. I’m one of those people who is unashamedly addicted to it. It’s on my phone, I check it on my computer and when I know I meet someone who I want to stay in touch with I ask them for their Facebook instead of their number. Facebook is an invaluable tool for anyone who wants to keep in touch with their friends and can’t find the time. People spread out. It’s what we do and now Facebook has made it possible to stay in touch with those people.
But if you want to cheat or even flirt with someone else who isn’t your significant other? Facebook sucks. If I could underline, bold this, and make it twenty feet tall, I would. Facebook sucks for anything that has to do with keeping quiet because it’s a public site. Everything is public and just there for everyone to see. It’s easy to trace your interactions and because of this, Facebook has become one of the major causes of divorce. I’m not kidding.
According to the Huffington Post, Facebook is the new menace when it comes to being linked with divorce. Maybe we should have seen this coming, but take a moment and just Google “Facebook divorce”. It’s crazy the amount of stuff that comes up when you search it.
Anything else? Nope, nope, nope.
Sorry, Facebook. We can still be friends, but I think I’m going to keep my adulterous lifestyle away from you. The idea of having my private conversations paraded around and misconstrued for a jury in divorce court is more than enough to have me shying away from any more Facebook flirting.
We have all been there… you know, that period in your life where being single is great, going out every night is exciting, and hangovers aren’t so bad. I know I was there a year ago or so, and man that was good. I remember the thrill of picking the sluttiest outfit you could possibly manage to combine from your closet so that you could show up at the bar and challenge yourself to see who you could manage to hookup with.. It was all about the chase rather than the final result, generally it consisted of 2 hours of chasing, 20 minutes of drunk sloppy sex and 5 minutes to look for your clothes and pride so then to quietly leave and disappear in the darkness of your saturday night…
I was having lunch with Justine and Rob the other day and we were discussing how much the gays love real estate, how after fashion and fabulous travel, real estate is the 3rd most important thing for a gay man.. and the discussion brought us to a much much more important topic: how important is a person’s place to determine their date-ability? The answer was without a doubt pretty obvious, if a guy’s place is nice, he scores a lot more points and is likely to do better with the ladies.. obviously. It made me think back and realize why so many of my hookups never led anywhere. I realized how many times I have found myself in apartments/houses that felt really really uncomfortable and foreign to me… many times half drunk sitting there receiving oral sex and I couldn’t help myself but notice how the curtains didn’t match the couch, or how unbalanced the whole decor was or trying to stop looking at all the Metallica memorabilia scattered around the house.. the places felt foreign, I managed to climax and that was good for the time.. a night out in Toronto where you get mildly drunk, have a fair amount of fun, and manage to bang a hot guy is definitely a steal for under $100… regardless of their decor/furniture choices.
One day though, you find yourself still sitting on a couch receiving oral sex and it hits you or I should say it materializes in front of you… you keep looking around and all you see feels familiar.. you feel like you could be sitting on that couch doing nothing and after you climax you are in no rush to leave… that couch is comfortable! The curtains match and the decor is great! See I firmly believe that the place we live in, that we craft, is a projection of who we really are… it is where we keep what we hold dearest, objects, memories and habits that we generally hide in the outside world… When I say the couch is comfortable and the decor is great, I don’t mean it looks like it came out of a Martha Stewart magazine.. I mean, the place feels familiar because the memories, habits and objects that you see do not scare you but instead fascinate you enough and are so compatible to who you really are, that you know that person is worth giving a shot… I am way past that..
I have now been in a relationship for about 9 months (maybe less, but who’s counting) and we decided to buy a place together… Do I look back and wish I was still sitting on couches judging bad decor choices and curtains? Not for a second… I have found myself a pretty comfortable couch and I am not planning on going anywhere…
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